how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
