Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
