Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
two words...techno handjob
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
