I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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