You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
