she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
