Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
