So drunk, too bad you don't want this
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will pee on everything he values.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
