Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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