Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had sex on a roof
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
