She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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