Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
