went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
