Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
