literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
