Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
