I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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