At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if only i could text you this smell
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize