I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
