just come out here and I will go home with you...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
worst night to have a conscience
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada†on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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