just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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