Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
