Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
