You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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