Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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