Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
