Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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