I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
