I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
