According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
3pm strippers are depressing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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