We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
a search helicopter?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
