So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
