i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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