You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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