did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
BRING THE BAGELS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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