I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
