I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
