i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They are going to name an STD after you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
