Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
