The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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