Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
