So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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