i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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