a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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