He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
