My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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