I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
