He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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