she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
