If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
