So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
