so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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