Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
