Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
