I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
