Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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