God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
