he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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