i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
