Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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