I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am puke
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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