While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
