I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize