listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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