theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
