I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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