just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
