dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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