i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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