Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
