I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
