Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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