you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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