RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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