in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
