I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
