You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
