No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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