so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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