Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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