Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
