I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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